But for now, it's still reminiscing time with Lily. We just had the one month mark of her passing go by this week. We literally go from Halloween to almost Christmas in a blink of an eye. I can't believe our sweet pup has been gone that long already.
We've continued with our Random Acts of Kindness in her memory - first, by buying and distributing new dog toys to some pups at a dog park one afternoon -
then, on the anniversary of her passing, we donated money to The Humane Society. Also on that day, I took some roses from our garden and some of Liy's ashes and brought them to the neighborhood lake we visited with her on her last day of life.
Now, she will always be there.
I feel like I'm stuck in a hard, muddy place. The last almost eight years I have been a SAHM, so I have been around Lily constantly, on an everyday, mostly all day, basis. So you can imagine the void that there's been this last month. There hasn't been a day that has gone by where I haven't been upset, yet. A lot of it does have to deal with guilt and regret, sure. As much as we try not to have any of that.
There's truth to a statement I've heard before, where the grief and sadness don't ever go away, we just learn to manage it better. I wouldn't say I've improved all that much in my sadness lessening, but perhaps learning more to get on with it.
Josh is leaving on a business trip soon, and I'm just dreading it. Just as much as he is. Bummed of course that he will be gone and there will be some tiring days with taking care of the boys full time, but also as I mentioned before...because of Lily. I mentioned how she was our 'guard dog'. Not just that, but she was the only company I had after the boys were in bed when Josh is away. And now...complete silence. Complete non-existence of dog beds and head nudges under my elbow when I look sad...there's going to be some rough evenings.
The time of year we're at doesn't help things much. For starters, pulling out winter clothes I've found a pair of sweatpants with Lily's hair on them. Haven't worn them. We've pulled out her stocking, her tree ornament...
I'm fairly certain at some point in time we want to get another dog, but it's a hard thing to think about right now. Right now, I just want Lily back. Right now, I don't see how any other dog would measure up to how wonderful she was. Right now, I think getting a dog any too soon would be a slap in the face to her. She deserves respect and to be grieved over, not replaceable.
So, we'll just continue to try trudging on. Honoring our girl. Remembering our girl and how wonderful she was.
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