I saw posted on Facebook a list of all the things going on currently - posted permanently so that this person would remember in a year the hardships we are going through. I think I have generally gone over what is going on, but now I want to list exactly how this has affected us.
---It begins with a canceled weekend to California, as a birthday gift to Nathan to visit Six Flags and Disneyland. They made the announcement literally 2 DAYS before they were to leave. If only we had gone the first weekend of Spring Break....
---Of course the biggest factor, no school for anyone. Preston is getting the longest break. Little did he know the school he enjoyed he would not be going back to ( he is going to a new preschool in the fall, hopefully). Aaron missed the last few days of school before Spring Break with illness. Little did Nathan know, the day before Spring Break would be his last in an elementary school. As long as they start school in July, they will have been off for 5 MONTHS. That's like summer on steroids. At least the weather is nice outside...but we aren't able to go any places to play, or eat, or vacation, or even visit with friends or family.
---I won't be teaching Nate his last art masterpiece. I will not be helping at the art show. There is no Mother-Son event that I just got done planning. Nathan will have no band concerts to end his elementary year. I'm afraid he will lose a lot of playing memory between now and junior high, where he hopes to continue in band. So much time has been lost. Aaron barely had his grade's performance of Dr. Seuss before break. Nathan will not have a 6th grade promotion or graduation or last day of school clap out! This hurts me the most. Though, I'm hoping the 6th grade team comes up with an alternative somehow. Our poor teachers.
--No swim lessons for Preston, which we had just started again after the holiday and now of course I'm afraid he will lose so much practice between now and when it will warm in May for us to use the pool. He loved those, too. Aaron does not have any cub scout activities. In particular, the first weekend of May was to be a camping weekend. All of the boys were going to go, leaving me with my first weekend with no kids (since having Preston)....EVER.
--I'm mourning all the self-care I no longer have, on that note. I was looking forward to having a weekend to myself, but even trails and camping sites are closed. I'm missing the few hours of peace a few times a week I would use to work. Now, evenings are my main working time.
--Even our poor doggie loses fun at doggie daycare. We picked April to be his birthday, we have ordered a cake and now he doesn't get to have it with his friends.
--Our first holiday in town where we won't celebrate it with any family (Easter).
--Very likely, Mother's Day will come and I will not be able to go out for any usual celebrations (picking peaches, getting nails done, massage, dinner out). Any of my favorite activities. But, I know my boys will find a way to celebrate regardless.
--Very likely, Aaron will not get to celebrate his birthday the way he would like. No party with friends at TopGolf. As soon as Easter is over, I will be having to figure out an alternative.
--No graduation viewing for my sister. We think we might just combine graduation ceremonies for her and Nate. Thank goodness our person who we get to make cakes is still doing them! Bless her for it's one of the only parts to look forward to for those moments.
--No Memorial Day weekend trip to Mexico to celebrate these accomplishments. We were to have gone with my family and shared a penthouse on the beach. No big deal....
June remains to be seen. We will basically be devastated if quarantine life enters into summer, especially as it warms up and we can't go for walks or rides outside. It is our 15th wedding anniversary. Most importantly, it is the month of our planned trip to Europe! The boys are so excited for their first overseas trip. I was looking forward to having this adventure with them and my family. I was looking forward to visiting some of my favorite places. I really hope I don't have to continue this list.
Our days ebb and flow for sure. Some days are hard, some a bit easier. It's hard to not be able to control things. One thing I am working on and wanting to control is losing weight. Right before this mess, I started with a weight loss program to lose the 20-30 (!) pounds I have gained in the last year. Originally this began as a way I wanted to lose weight for our summer vacations and feel good, but now it's becoming deeply personal - I need something happy for myself. A goal to meet. Something to feel accomplished and feel good about. I have long not felt myself, and I miss it. Having this extra weight makes me feel the way I look - sloppy, tired, unmotivated. Not healthy. Exploding out of clothes. I lost 20 pounds a few years ago and I remember what that felt like - I felt happy, energized and that I could wear things I was too bashful to wear (I'm highly critical). I really need this for myself, especially during this crazy time but it's taking all my control to not want to drink wine and eat the cake!
So okay. That's enough for one day, for now...
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